My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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