Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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