mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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