So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
