i just had sex bonerless
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i came on her dog
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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