I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
