I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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