Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
