He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
