tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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