I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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