She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
