Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
