I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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