No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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