she is the kim kardashian of front butts
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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