"it" just moved
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
