I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
