oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
