God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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