i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
