Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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