I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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