he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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