The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
