the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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