last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
