Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
