Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
