We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
