see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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