He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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