Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
