it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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