I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
