Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
