take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
