he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
