Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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