I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
