I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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