When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
