this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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