don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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