I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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