im six kinds of drunk right now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
