literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
