I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
