What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
