It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
