I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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