i think i have herpe
just one?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
