i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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