My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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