apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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