did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
