yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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