I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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