Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
