i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
