Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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