So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
