I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
