So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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