i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
