That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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