It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
