Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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