His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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