i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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