Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
