Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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