I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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