Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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