a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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