Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
