I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
