i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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