His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
