tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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