just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
