Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
