I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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