i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
