I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
