so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
