She's JV to your varsity
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
